Love Letter

Its 1302 and they just wheeled you out of the room. My body tingled so badly all over and I've been fighting down the tears since this morning we learned how serious the situation is. After you left I experienced what it means to be overcome and completely full of emotion. I love you so much and am scared to death right now of what the day may bring.

You talked earlier about that your just glad that baby is okay and all I could think of was that I wasn't concerned at all about the baby and would readily trade her health for yours. I walked into the restroom and could see the your bloody urine in the catch pan and remembered how strong you are and what a sacrifice you make in order to have these kids. I'm beyond impressed!

They just came to get me to say the operation has been delayed 30 minutes and now they have brought me to your bedside in the operation waiting room. I'm sitting beside you now you've dosed off. We had a good conversation it was actually nice to get a second chance to express feelings. I'm still scared to death and am literally on the verge of being a complete basket case. Its difficult when they wheel you away and leave me standing as useless as can be.

They are talking to us again and amongst themselves I can hear them talking about all the extra blood they have ready in the OR and some additional on standby, they are also trying to figure out where the baby and will go after the operation. NICU or regular recovery, they also don't know what to do with me and that's becoming a continual point of discussion. All of this just weighs on me more knowing that this is not normal standard, but that risk is involved.

They took you away again and the nurse lead me to the waiting room. I couldn't hardly stand, my head aches with massive internal pressure of emotion. I'm scared and here in this room I'm very much alone. I want my Mom. I can't keep typing, I just need this moment to be over.

I don't know what else to do so I'm typing again. I'm glad we spent the night together last night. I was planning on leaving but as I got up to leave I pictured you in that hospital bed all alone and I couldn't stomach it. I don't express it well or often enough, but I do love you Jen and cannot imagine life without you in it. Your a good Mom and Wife and I lean on you more than I should.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry